Trust and Obey

When I left college, I was living in a Christian campus ministry house where the offices were located and part of the staff lived. Because I was on staff, I paid almost no rent, and therefore didn’t need a high-paying job, since I was not close to starting my career yet – those years between leaving college and actually moving into your chosen career. Sometimes you take work where you can find it. I had a part-time job in retail that paid enough for my expenses, which were few, and gave me spending money. 

During those years, I had the blessing of meeting an Israeli woman who had become a believer in Yeshua and had a powerful testimony. She had moved to Raleigh with her daughter. I love Jewish-Israeli music and she helped me learn some praise songs and in return I had the privilege of accompanying her when she would share her testimony at various gatherings. 

One Sunday, she was invited to give her testimony at a United Methodist church in a nearby city for an adult Sunday School class. I accompanied her as she sang some songs in Hebrew and then listened as she shared her story with the rest of those gathered. We had two others with us that day and I was the driver of her car, as she preferred to have someone else drive when possible.   

After the Sunday School class, we decided to go to the 10:30 service at the nearby Assembly of God, which we had heard very good things about. The Holy Spirit was allowed to move freely during the praise & worship time, and the message resonated in my spirit. When the time came to receive the tithes and offering, I was wondering what I should give. I had $5 remaining in my account until the next pay day, a week away. As I was seeking the Lord on what give, I was strongly impressed to give the $5 I had in my wallet. I remember thinking I should – but could I? And by God’s grace, I was able to trust the Lord that He would supply my needs – I didn’t know how, but I put all I had left in the offering basket, and I really didn’t think much more about it. 

So after the service, we headed back to Raleigh, talking about how God had ministered to us and through us that day. As I was driving, the lady reached over and put some money in my shirt pocket for driving and playing for her. When I pulled it out it was $20!

An old hymn comes to mind when I think about what happened that day:

When we walk with the Lord, in the light of His word,

What a glory He sheds on the way.

When we do His good will, He abides with us still,

And to all who will trust and obey.

Trust and obey, for there’s no other way

To be happy in Jesus – but to trust and obey. 

When He directs us to do something that seems hard or impossible for us to do, and we simply trust Him and do it, we always are blessed. Trust and obey.

Peace, Be Still

I was starting to lose it. I was frustrated at the lack of concern of my co-workers for getting the job done. I was frustrated with a customer and with the help desk for meddling with a service request. I was frustrated that I was not getting any work asssigned, yet they were coming in left and right for other areas. I could not understand (again) WHY I was in this position.

The song “Halleluyah” was in my mind, so I plugged the earphones in and listened to it from my smartphone. I sang along to myself in Hebrew, then looked up the verse, Psalm 148, on the web, reading the exhortation for all things to praise the Lord.

Then “Ha Lo Yadata” started, and so I looked up Isaiah 40 – verse 27

“Why do you complain, Ya’acov, why do you say Israel, my way is hidden from Adonai (the Lord), my rights are ignored by my God?”  I felt ignored and alone and I was complaining – like Ya’acov.

“He does not grow tired, nor is He weary…”

“He gives strength to the powerless…”

“But those who hope in Adonai will renew their strength…”

Next, “You Are My Hiding Place” started. I just wanted to hide in Him. I put my face in my hands and cried out to Him silently and worshipped.  I felt there was a storm around me, but I was hiding myself in the Almighty God, Creator of all things… and I heard distinctly in my spirit “Rest, my son”. Abbah (Dad)? Was that You? WOW. Tears came. He was here. He heard – He knew.

Then I read Psalm 32:7 –

“You are a hiding-place for me

You will keep me from distress

You will surround me with songs of deliverance.”

SELAH.

The music on my smartphone I had loaded months ago, and here they played in the specific order to be “songs of deliverance” to surround me. His word broke through the storm, and went directly to my spirit. The comfort of hearing “Rest, my son” I can’t describe with words, but then I knew He was there. Selah = be still and calmly think on this.  ‘Nuf said.

Learning To Trust

There are many passages in the Bible that speak of faith in God - the most famous is Hebrews 11. Some time ago I came across a translation that used the word "trust", in the place of faith. I liked the way it sounded - I could identify with it more.

Being able to trust someone or trust in something is valuable to people. We want to be able to trust our family member, friends, and leaders, and in services we receive. God asks us to trust Him - have faith in Him. Throughout the Bible, when people trusted God, they saw His faithfulness in doing what He said He would do. Why shouldn't we trust him? He is almighty and omnipotent - and He is good.

As a young believer, when I was just starting to walk and know the Lord, there was a occurrence that happened that helped me to trust Him. I was on my own for the first time in my life after college, and I had gotten a job working at McDonald's. It was important for me to be punctual and dependable if I wanted to keep the job. At that time I was living in a house about 1.5 miles from the store, and I had no means of transportation besides walking. So one morning I had to be in around 8AM. In order to get ready and get there by then I had to be wake up at 6AM.  All through college I had used an alarm clock to wake me up, because I was usually a sound sleeper. This particular night before going to bed, I was going to set my alarm, and I felt the Lord urge me to trust Him to wake me up.  With a boost of faith (trust) in Him, I didn't set the alarm and went to sleep, hoping to wake up at 6AM.

I was awakened by a swishing sound - a gentle "whoosh - whoosh- whoosh" beside me. It was morning. I looked over and the sound was coming from a piece of paper with a picture or saying that I had tacked to the wall behind my bed. One of the corners had come loose, and the piece of paper was swinging on the one tack that remained, holding it to the wall, creating a low "whoosh" as it swung back and forth. I quickly remembered I had to be up and looked at the clock - 6AM.

Now THAT is a wake-up call.

The One He Made For Me

I’ve been thinking about what would be the next thing to share where I’ve seen God’s hand unmistakably move. One that stands out in my mind is how he brought my wife, Serrell, and I together.

I hope this encourages those of you who are waiting on God’s choice for your mate.

After coming to know the Lord, I had made the decision NOT to date. I had been through more than enough disappointments in the relationships I had been in before I came to faith in Jesus Christ.

This was another step in surrendering my life to Jesus, and it wasn’t that difficult. I remember saying “Lord, you have one woman for me. I’ll wait for you to bring her to me.”

About a year later, Serrell and I became good friends through church, events, and doing things together. We had a good time when we were together, and were on the “same plane” spiritually. She loved the Lord, and had walked with him since she was 9. I wondered at times if she was the one God had for me. However, she had had a dream about another guy, and felt that he might be the one. So for a while we just remained friends.

One night, we were both working at a Christian concert outreach at one of the city’s major venues. She was one of the ticket collectors, and I had gotten there early to work as a counselor. When I arrived at one of the front doors I saw her sitting in the lobby. Time stood still for a minute as a looked at her, and I remember “feeling” the Holy Spirit “nod” to my spirit. That sounds strange, but it was an affirming deep in my spirit that she was the one. However, I had heard enough stories of guys telling girls that God had told them that they supposed to be married, and the girl running 180 degrees in the opposite direction. I had no intention of doing that, whoever she might be. So I said silently to the Lord that if it was Him I heard, that he would bring it to pass without my help. I would wait on Him to make it happen. Man - that took a load off my shoulders.

Let me just say that in the next several months, events happened that made us begin to think we should be together. The thing that opened the door, and told us that God was putting us together was when Serrell met with our pastor’s wife. She shared the dream she had had about the guy, and our pastor’s wife said that it didn’t mean what she thought – and gave the interpretation she had for the dream. She said as they prayed together, that she saw Serrell and I walking hand in hand down a long road. That, along what God had showed me months before, was enough to convince me that SHE was the ONE.

From that point on we began to walk into a closer relationship that would culminate in marriage. I had not formally proposed (“Will you marry me?”) – since we knew that we were to be together. (Later, I did the formal question.)

Once Serrell was convinced that it was God’s will for us to be together, three events occurred that let her know beyond doubt that I was supposed to be her husband. She was asking God for confirmation - as Gideon did in the Old Testament – with what is called a “fleece”. In the account of Gideon, he wanted to know that God REALLY WANTED him to go to war with the Medianite army – since there were so few fighting men. So he put out a sheepskin (fleece) and asked God if he was going to have victory to make the ground wet with dew overnight and the fleece remain dry. The next morning the ground was wet and the fleece was perfectly dry. Gideon asked the Lord one more time to confirm by making the fleece wet and the ground dry. The next morning the ground was bone dry and the fleece was sopping wet.

So unbeknownst to me, Serrell had put out three “fleeces” to God to confirm that I was the man to be her husband.

Fleece 1 – The Job

Interestingly enough, after Serrell and I had decided that we were going to be married, I lost my job at a department store that I had had for 17 months, because of slow sales. God had provided the job for me when I was desperate. Now, I’m not a salesman, and in a way, it was a relief to leave that job. But here I was, newly engaged, without a job. The following Monday, we went to a temporary employment agency to find me some work. Since my major in college had been computer science, I was hoping to find something working with computers, but was willing to take anything. I took the skills tests, and waited for the woman to collect possible jobs that I was suited for. The first job was a 3-month temp job at an IBM field office. I would be using a computer to take calls from field engineers and route them to the upper-tier support engineers in the office. I readily accepted, and was excited and thankful to have found something so quickly. That night, Serrell and I went to the monthly Full Gospel Businessmen’s Fellowship meeting. I played the piano for the singing part of the meetings every month. When the meeting was over and we were walking to the car, Serrell said “I have something to tell you.” “What’s that?” I responded. She said “Well, don’t get too excited, but… I asked the Lord last night at church that if you were supposed to be my husband, to get you a job today, and to get it in the field of computers so you could start a career.” I remember my knees going weak, and stumbling for a second. I was overwhelmed. I was totally amazed, that God had done this thing to answer her prayer that I didn’t even know she had prayed. We laughed together and I thought to myself “Well, I guess that answers that.” More confirmation. Incidentally, that job started as a 3-month stint, but they extended it to 6-months because they liked my work. Serrell had prayed for it to be a start to a career. After we were married, I finished up at IBM and God opened the door for a permanent job as a computer support analyst, which was the start of my career.

Fleece 2 – The Bear

I started the job in August of that year, and a month or so later we started choosing our dishes and silverware at a department store at the mall. We started down the escalator from the second to the first floor, and my eye was caught by a huge display of teddy bears, almost to the ceiling. I remarked to Serrell at the sight. There were all sizes and shapes of bears – from handheld size to almost lifesize and every size in between. I thought to myself, “I’m going to get her one for Christmas.” I don’t know why other than I thought she might like one. My eye went to the bear I thought would be the perfect one. Leading her by the hand I walked to the counter, told the saleslady which specific one I wanted. Serrell said “Bill, are you sure? Can we afford that?” It didn’t matter – I was getting it for her. “ I’ll put it on lay away.” Serrell still looked at me like maybe I shouldn’t be buying it, but then smiled a big smile and said “OK.” Later that day she said “I have to tell you something…” “What…” I asked. “Well… a long time ago, back when I was really praying for God about being married and who my husband should be, I asked for a sign to let me know it was him. And I asked for a bear somehow – it could even be a picture, or something besides a real bear, but a bear in some form to let me know he would be the one. And about a week ago, that sign had not been fulfilled, and I asked the Lord why it hadn’t been fulfilled, if Bill was supposed to be the one.”Again, I was floored. I started laughing – just incredibly amazed that here God was answering her prayer – even one she had prayed years earlier. Not only that, she told me I had picked the very one she wanted, without knowing it. I gave her the bear for Christmas, that year, and it remains in our bedroom to this day as a reminder – The Bear of Promise.

Fleece 3 – To Ski or not to ski

Later that month we were invited with some friends to spend a weekend at a friend’s house at Oriental, NC, on the Neuse River, near the coast. Our host had a big old three-story house right on the river and they had a boat they used there. The second day we were there, we all decided to go out on the boat and we’d do some water skiing. I was 23 at the time. Ever since I was 15 I had tried many times to get up and stay up on water ski’s but had never been able to successfully ski. I told Serrell this, but she said “Come on, let’s go – don’t worry about it”. So we were all in the boat with our host’s son driving. He pulled a friend of ours, Peter, and then Peter drove while pulling him. Then they told me to give it a try. I said OK, I’m willing. I put the skis on and was determined to give it the best try. The boat started up and I tried to remember everything I ever learned about positioning myself, to let the boat pull me up of the water and to slowly stand. It was the easiest launch I had ever had, and before I knew it I was skiing. It was amazing, I even weaved a little back and forth. I was being pulled at full speed and it was like I had done it before, even tho it was my first time. When it was over I climbed back in the boat and sat beside Serrell. Later that evening Serrell told me “I was praying in the back of the boat, that if you were supposed to be my husband, that you’d ski.” Wow. I was speechless. I remember thinking later… “How many times does she want God to prove it to her.” I told her later that three times was enough – God will help our unbelief, but don’t push it.

So there in a nutshell, is the account of how God unmistakably confirmed to us that we were to be husband and wife. Now, almost 30 years later, I can’t imagine life without her. She is truly my other half, as I am hers. Marriage is to be a lifetime commitment, and God wants us to get it right.

Correction

God tells us in His Word that He will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we are able to bear, but with the temptation He will provide a way for us to escape the temptation.

One day at work I was feeling pretty weak - dry, with my mind on worldly things. I decided I'd go out for lunch and just do or spend whatever I wanted to. I was tired of fighting and resisting.

So as I walked out to the parking lot towards my car, I was thinking of what I could do - what would I enjoy? Self was having fun. But there was a small part of me that was thinking I shouldn't do this. But Self was saying "Oh c'mon... you've been fighting... you need a break. What the heck..."

I was almost to my car when out of nowhere I hear inside me - "It's MY money..." I knew that Voice. Right then, I kept walking but I did a U-turn on the sidewalk and started walking back to the building. I'd have to get lunch inside.

That's all it took... I was slipping and I didn't care, but my Father did. And all He had to do was remind me who owned ALL the money in the world. It was His. I had no right to spend however I pleased, tho I had been guilty of that before. I didn't have to grit my teeth, or struggle. His Word broke through the lie of the enemy.

In His faithfulness, He kept me from making another big mistake, another sin. He didn't have to. And I wasn't even listening. But He provided the way to escape, even when I wasn't looking for it. That's love.

Reaching Out

I was in pain.

Not physical pain, but emotional - from a deep wound that had been hidden for years. Not a wound caused by an attack, but the result of a need left unmet.

The pain was real - a deep ache in my inner man, and a sadness that did not produce tears. And there was nothing I could do to relieve it. Oh, I could have "medicated" it, as I had many times before, but Jesus had set me free from that crutch of sin which only brought death and more heartache to me and my loved ones.

It was Sunday, and time to drive to church. So as we prepared to leave, my wife asked me what was bothering me. I told her I was hurting. She knew the cause, and she knew that I was struggling. Her reponse was "Sweetheart, you have to die to the pain." What?? DIE to the pain - let the pain have the victory? No, I wanted to be the victor, after all hadn't Jesus give us victory over sin and death? I couldn't understand, but maybe God had given her wisdom in the situation. I had no idea what to do but to give it to Jesus - again.

We were late for church, and as we drove a light rain pattered on the windshield, and the wipers wiping it away - temporarily - again and again and again....

We arrived at church and from outside the sanctuary we could tell it was full. The only few seats available were in the back - the very back, in the corner. That would be perfect so I could retreat, not feeling happy or wanting to talk to many people.

The praise and worship time was already underway, and everyone was on their feet - praising and clapping after a moving song of praise. The Holy Spirit was present and Jesus was being exalted.

As we reached our seats, the music leader spoke and prayed as the music quieted and slowed into a more worshipful mood. I was determined that even though I didn't feel much like singing, that I would press in with all I had. Sometimes that's what is needed - a sacrifice of praise, and even though my mind didn't want to sing, my spirit needed to praise Him despite my situation or mood.

The music started and it was a song we had learned many months earlier. I remember really liking what the song said - it was about making the choice - CHOOSING to worship God, even when we didn't want to. "Perfect" I thought as we began to sing. I sang with all the inner strength I had, despite the way I felt.
The first verse went like this:

I could stand outside Your gates, and never enter in,
I could let this moment pass and go my way again.
I could just keep silent, and hold from You my praise,
Or I could give my heart away.

Press in, I thought, even if it kills you...
Then we began the chorus:

I choose to worship,
I choose to love You,

To this day I cannot adequately describe with words what happened next. All I can say is that as I began to sing those words, suddenly I had the distinct, strong impression that..... Jesus was speaking those words BACK to me! My mind knew the words, and my mouth sang them, but in my spirit the God Who knew my every thought and feeling was saying the words I was singing back to me. He KNEW what I was feeling, the pain AND it's cause, and He wanted me to know:

I choose to worship,
I choose to love You
To reach out and touch Your heart.
Here in this moment I want to know You
O, I choose to worship You.
O, I choose to worship You.

(Quickly, a side note before anyone freaks out.... I, too, thought, "God doesn't choose to worship me... that's just wrong!" However, I was asking a wonderful brother of mine about this and he said that sounded right because the word "worship" in one of it's basic definitions means "to reach (stretch out) towards". So I translate that to mean that at that point, God was saying He chose to reach out toward me. Only HE is worthy of adoring worship).

So the realization washed over me that God was face-to-face with me and what I was going through at that moment. Everything I had been holding back inside me just broke. I wept freely, trembling, letting go of the pain, experiencing intimacy with the Father. For several minutes I could not speak. Father was there, reaching out, touching the wound, and healing as only HE can heal.

Let Him touch the hidden wounds in your life that only He can heal. He wants to... let Him reach out to you as you reach out to Him.

I Choose To Worship by Lynn DeShazo and Gary Sadler (c) 1997 Integrity's Hosanna! Music